Cookie Policy
Welcome to Dead Pan Merch. This policy covers the cookies and similar tracking tech we use on deadpanmerch.com.
It’s the shortest of our policies, because there isn’t much to it.
What Cookies Actually Are
Small text files a website puts on your device so it can remember things. Without them, your shopping cart would forget everything the second you clicked to another page. That’s the main job.
What We Use Them For
Essential cookies. The ones that make the store work — keeping items in your cart, keeping you logged in, getting you through checkout. These can’t be turned off, because without them there’s no store.
Analytics cookies. How many people visited, which pages they looked at, where they gave up. We use it to figure out what’s broken and what’s working. It’s aggregate numbers, not a file on you personally.
Functionality cookies. Remembering your preferences so you don’t have to set them again every visit.
Advertising cookies. These let us show our ads to people who’ve already visited, and tell us whether the ads did anything. They’re also why a shirt you looked at once follows you across the internet for a week. We know. Everybody does it and it still feels weird.
Turning Them Off
Your browser controls this. In any modern browser you can:
- Accept or reject cookies
- Delete cookies already stored
- Get a warning before a new one is set
Block the essential ones and checkout stops working. That’s not a threat, it’s just how carts function. The advertising and analytics ones you can kill with no downside to you at all.
Changes
If we update this policy, the new version goes up here with the date it changed.
Questions
Email contact@deadpanmerch.com and a human will answer.
Updated 09/19/23